Wednesday, March 14, 2007

CHUCK UPDATE and a CRIPPLED WAR MACHINE


After quite a few requests for updates on the Chuck Norris toilet, I made a special trip there today. Of course it was merely for recon purposes...couldn't have had anything to do with the curry that I had for lunch. EWWWWWW, he's gross! Shut up. Anyways, cynicism is rampant...bear with me. So, for some of the latest Chuck Norris inputs: Chuck counted to infinity twice! Chuck doesn't sleep....he waits! Chuck kicked someone once and broke the speed of sound with his foot! And the last one that I can remember from today's recon: They make Body Armor from Chuck's dead skin! Oh and according to one "poster"...Chuck has fathered all of our children. Not sure about that one...if so...we all need to talk with our wives and Chuck.


On a separate note: I was "issued" what is known as an NTV a few days ago. NTV stands for non-tactical vehicle. Leave it to the Army to make up an acronym for something they could have just called a "truck" or "car". They issued me a black suburban. Which is cool...I don't have to walk everywhere now. The guy that issued it to me told me that it was a "Frankenstein NTV". He further explained that it had sustained some damage in the past and they had pieced it back together. It runs great, only has 3 seats in it (don't ask), but the radio didn't work. And yes we do receive some radio stations...mainly Armed Forces Radio, but we also receive a feed from England. They have some pretty good tunes; plus the cool Brit accent.


Anyways, the lack of radio perplexed me. So, being the industrious guy that I am...I investigated. First off, the radio actually came on; showing the stations and all the numbers and stuff...but there was absolutely no sound...none...not even static. At first I thought a fuse might be the culprit. Then I thought...if the fuse was popped, the radio wouldn't work at all. Then it dawned on me....I took a flashlight and looked into the little grills in the doors....Yep!! You guessed it...NO friggin speakers. Not a single one. So I went back to the maintenance yard and question them about it. By the way, all the maintenance on the NTVs is done by TCNs (third country nationals). After trying to valiantly burst through the language barrier and explain what I needed....I gave up. Not to worry...I'll reattack at a later date. I headed over to my trailer to drop some papers off...parked my sturdy war machine...went to my trailer...had another visit from the lunchtime curry...and headed back outside to my waiting NTV.


Well the picture above speaks volumes...yet another way the man is trying to keep me down.


R, K and G I love and miss you. Please send a Tagalog, Urdu, Farsi, Indian and Arab interpreter, so I can get something done in this damn country.

3 comments:

Anybody but Pelosi said...

May I ask why you were issued the vehicle? Just curious.

Brendon
Fresno, CA

J,M&T said...

Hey Barbie,

Greetings from J,M & T!!

Glad to see you still have your sense of humor!!

Iraq looks just as lovely as I imagined it, ha ha. I didn't realize that the sand there was different than what we're used to here in the states.

Have you met up with anyone you knew from before? I'm guessing no since they put you with an Army unit.

Do you have AC in your doghouse? I hope so.

We are all so proud of you and we really respect what you are doing over there. J & M's co-workers send their love & support too. Stay safe over there.

We love & miss you.

J,M, & T

Reign of Reason said...

You gotta start listening to the haji stations at night...

now that's an erie experience...

Spy